Here’s what I learned on gender equity from some men in their 20s

Originally published in The Mandarin

Australian men in their 20s think it’s important to celebrate International Women’s Day. (fizkes/Adobe)

I was curious.

This year’s debate around International Women’s Day has taken an unusual but probably overdue turn in examining who is behind the competing leads and what motivates them: The United Nation’s IWDA.org.au ‘Cracking the Code: Innovation for a gender equal future’ or the commercially sponsored InternationalWomensDay.com.au ‘Embrace Equity’.

I’m not sure if this debate is all just a distraction or if it points to a more sinister Cambridge Analytica-type situation. Time may tell.

Within this however, I was still curious — I have a fair idea of what I think about International Women’s Day and the equity debate, but what on earth do the young men of Australia think?

So I asked them.

From a small and random sample of asking friends to send a few questions to their friends, I received considered responses from some young men I don’t know.

I wanted to know what they think because until now I may have been guilty of examining this issue from my own limited perspective, and I might be holding grudges from another time. Part of me also wondered if the ‘equity’ message was cutting through or if we were going to have to deal with next-gen cynicism about the gender pay gap and systemic privilege.

Here’s what they said — and I’m quoting and paraphrasing:

They think it’s important to celebrate International Women’s Day, as a way to recognise the difficulties women face on a day-to-day basis, the significant progress that has been made, and to celebrate the differences between men and women and how these differences can drive positive change. They saw it as a vehicle for advocacy, empowerment, a way of recognising marginalisation, as well as the role of women as a foundation of social structure and economic stability throughout history.

They thought the annual nature of the celebration was important as an ongoing reinforcement that equality is an ongoing issue and a way of inspiring the next generation to carry on working towards a better and more welcoming society.

They also questioned why the day couldn’t just be a celebration of women, their achievements, strengths and qualities and how these have and continue to contribute to a better society, rather than a day that generates tensions and focuses on the deficits.

On the question of equity, there was strong agreement that no one wants a gender characteristic to be the reason that someone is unfairly disadvantaged or advantaged, as well as broad recognition that this can be a sensitive topic and that anyone who believes there is equity between males and females isn’t completely informed on the topic. They saw equity being driven by social structures that uplift individuals as equals in society, as things being shared fairly, and as not having any systemic corruption that biases the success of one over another.

More broadly, there was concern that gender messages often present women as victims of men and that while this can be or is true, the issue may not always be about gender but about power, and the systems of how this power is acquired and maintained — noting that men are often the victims of other men, as well as the power systems.

There was also thinking about how ongoing messaging that continuously positions women as being victims — of men or of systems — may not be empowering or helpful in progressing their self-perception and interests.

Finally, there was one suggestion that if International Women’s Day wanted to focus on issues rather than aspiration and celebration of achievement, then a more targeted approach to dealing with tangible and immediate issues might have a more direct and positive impact — with domestic violence, single-parent disadvantage, sexual aggression and abuse, and religious gender inequity cited as examples.

I’m sharing the thoughts of these men in their 20s, not assessing or judging them.

Now I’m less curious and more optimistic.

I don’t think we’re going to have to deal with as much next-gen cynicism about the gender pay gap and privilege as I was expecting. There’s an understanding of inequity but in the detail, it went beyond gender, to include race, as well as men who did not fit the alpha mould and who also felt less empowered within the current systems to be successful on their broader terms. There was also mention of gendered stereotypes that placed a burden on men as providers and protectors that they believed would be balanced by equity progression.

And here’s what I learned.

This overview is for interest only, I’m not drawing any huge conclusions, but hearing what they have said does change the way I’m going to celebrate this International Women’s Day.

I’m going to focus on and celebrate the joy I have in being a woman, the experiences and relationships that can be mine purely because I am a woman, how my gendered differences are my strengths, and I’ll remind myself that I am entitled and that it’s up to me to take my place.

Every other day of the year I’ll be back on the inequity challenges.

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